Rectal Thermometers part one

Okay, I admit it; I really, really, really really love getting my temperature taken back there. There, I said it. I mean, there's lots of stuff I love - foot rubs, the first bike ride of the season, my iPod, inexpensive jeans that fit, the Vivian Girls , my job, Chuck Taylors (I have 11 pairs), ANTM (I know, I know!), living in the city...these are a few of my favorite things. But rolling over, having my pjs lowered and feeling that glass tube gently slide into me? It's like nothing else in the world.

Yes, before you ask, it is some kind of childhood issue. It'd be fair to say my mom could have probably dropped the two dollars on an oral thermometer several years earlier than she did, and my pediatrician preferred this port of entry for check-ups. Even after talking to other people who also experienced this growing up, I still don't quite understand why you would choose the anus to take a temperature of anyone but an infant or unconcious person, but there you go.

It's still the more common method in Europe (where my mom's from), as, I'm told, is taking most medicine in suppository form (disturbing!) I personally kind of think my doc did it when I was little because by starting out the check-up with this (after being weighed and measured) probably humbled kids enough to keep them quiet during the exam. That, or he was some kind of butt freak. Either way, I vividly remember laying on my tummy, staring down at the paper covering the table, while the adults (my mom, doctor and nurse) casually chatted away while I lay there, my naked butt penetrated.

Those experiences were always pretty degrading, but when my mom would do it it was a more affection thing for me. Not that I liked it-when she did it in the bathroom with me over her lap while she sat on the toilet it definitely felt like a spanking- but there was something tender in the experience; she'd rub my back as we waited for the thermometer to read my body temperature, making calming noises and being very gentle. There was something very intimate about laying there across her lap, so utterly helpless and dependent...is that weird? It probably is, I don't know. I talk to people in chat rooms about it, and they tell me it's perfectly normal. But then they start talking about how erotic it is to have your parents make you wear punishment diapers as a teenager, and I sort of lose confidence that these are automatically the people I should be using to determine my sexual health.

I've tentatively felt out my real life friends as an adult, to see if any of them have similar experiences. Not surprisingly, few do. Most have no memories of ever getting their temperatures taken, and the few who do, make it sound like they were violated with cucumber. I nod knowingly, agreeing, "oh my god, I can't believe they did that!!" and let it drop, trying not to blush or chew on my fingernails.

The thought of having someone taking my temperature has appealed to me for a long time, but I've never really been in a relationship with someone I was comfortable admitting it to. I've never been comfortable being that exposed and vulnerable with past boyfriends, and most of my girlfriends had this unfortunate attitude of politicizing everything, making me feel like I'm betraying the revolution if I want anything rough or dark.

One of the things I love about GF is that she really doesn't bring any hang-ups into sexuality: she's more experienced than I am-especially in BDSM terms- so there's very little that she automatically things is "wrong". One afternoon, while out for coffee, I got up the courage and told her about this desire, that I'd secretly wanted it for a long time. She definitely raised an eyebrow, not out of prudishness, but rather because as a Domme she's done some serious ass-splitting, so a thin glass tube seems an insignificant thing to be so blushing and awkward about.

Afterwards, we were walking by a Walgreens (they're every two blocks now) and she pulled me in after her. Leaning close to my ear, she told me to go purchase a rectal thermometer. I blushed and hesitated, but I wanted to show both her and myself that I'm not a coward, so I went to purchase a thermometer...which turned out to be less easy than I thought. In the first aide aisle, they had a wide selection of electronic and oral thermometers, but none rectal (I later learned the tube oral ones come in is blue, rectal red). I know I could have just bought an oral one- they're the same size, after all. But that really killed the point. I wanted a rectal thermometer, that would accurately read my temperature after penetrating my anus. It was a point of pride, damn it. But what to do? They didn't seem to have what I was looking for, and the idea of asking at the pharmacy counter was chilling. I wandered around for a bit not knowing what to do, when I stumbled into the baby product aisle where, staring at me in all its sinister coldness, hung the dreaded rectal thermometer! I quickly grabbed it and made for the check-out where I only pray they assumed I was a new mother. Outside, I handed the package to GF, who was more than a little amused by the whole business.

to be continued...

you were hoping for porn, weren't you? dirty bird!